Radovan Karadzic Krack-Ups!

Radovan Karadzic, aka Peter Gluman, aka Dragan David Dabic, courtesy of Wikipedia

What do you call a genocidaire with a mad scientist hair-do and a knack for hilarious hijinks?
Karadzy!

What do you call a really cool, really genocidal convection appliance?
A rad oven

What ridiculously misogynistic battle cry did Radovan Karadzic use to distract the interpol agents at his house?
"Da-bich! Da-bich did it! Not me, her! She just left!"

What do you call a spunky kung fu fighting female with a taste for genocide?
A Karad-chick

What would you call Radovan Karadzic if he was born just a little further to the North-East?
Moldovan Karadzic

What's Radovan Karadzic's favorite way to do drugs?
Sniffing Gluman

Where would Radovan Karadzic set his genocidal update of "A Clockwork Orange?"
The former droog-o-slavia

Daffy Dahmer

Jeffrey Dahmer’s New Stand-Up Show is Coming to Caroline’s!

Some Hilarious Excerpts:

(Points out attractive, vaguely ethnic looking young man in the audience) “Hey kid? You need a modeling agent?”

“What do you call the acid-filled vat with several corpses in it that you’ve got in the corner of your bedroom? Good feng-shui.”

“I got sentenced to fifteen life-terms in prison. Fifteen. What am I supposed to be, a fucking cat?”

“It turns out dead people don’t make very good zombies…”

“How about some prop comedy?” (pulls skull out of knapsack) “Alas, poor Yorick…”

“Irony, ftw… I used to cut people’s heads open and study their brains, right? I got beaten to death by a fellow inmate, okay, and what’s the first thing the authorities do? They cut my head open so they can study my brain!”

What do the critics have to say about Jeffrey Dahmer’s new stand-up act?

“A delightfully post-modern and hilariously raunchy confection of edgy pop humour”
-Michiko Kakutani

“The most awesomest example of awesomeness I think I’ve ever seen. Man, I knew I was good at writing blurbs, but I think I just out-did myself…”
-Pete Hammond

“Jeffrey Dahmer really knows how to pick material that works for him!”
-Interchangeable Downbeat Critic

“Don’t get me wrong, I like to think of myself as a horror film aficionado- I mean, ‘The Vanishing’ was pretty awesome- at least the American version, I couldn’t understand what they were saying in the other one- but like, Dahmer might be going a little too far. Granted, I spent most of the show texting famous people like Robert Pattison on my blackberry…”
-Ben Lyons

“Born of an analytical chemist in West Allis, Wisconsin, Dahmer’s entire life has been but a prelude to this remarkably mature and rewarding comedy show”
-Robert Christgau

Topical Dead Baby Jokes

Sorry pal, you were born in Gaza... image courtesy of iloveclipart.com

What do you call a dead baby in the back seat and two grown men in front?
Technically a carpool

What do you call 6.22 dead babies for every 1000 live ones?
The United States’ infant mortality rate

What’s bald and tiny and red all over?
A tragic victim of what was clearly a natural disaster.

What do you call fifty-odd infants, many of which either have terrible diseases or are addicted to crack, chopped up into tiny pieces so no one remembers what they were originally, sewn back together and adorned with a nice red ribbon and AAA backing from Standard and Poors?
A Dead Baby CDO.

What do you call a baby’s corpse in Gaza, dead from malnourishment?
Not our problem. Oh yeah, and Israel has a right to defend itself.

What’s worse than five dead babies?
Legalizing pot. No, for real, it could lead to the end of civil society.

What’s the difference between a dead baby and an abortion?
First of all, a fetus isn’t sentient, does not feel pain and is unaware of its surroundings. Secondly, it does not become a living thing until it is able to digest and perform other necessary functions of life on it’s own, i.e. after it is born. Most abortions occur before the fetus has even developed most of the features that we, as human beings, would think of as making it human. Also, there are far fewer ways to abort a fetus than to kill a baby.