Radio Advertisement for "Stress Clones"

KILL THE CLONE!

Announcer: Long day at work got you down? Did you just trip over your shoelaces and harm yourself in some way? Angry at the way you represented yourself at your divorce proceeding? Just want to go home and... kill yourself? Well, now you can! With new 'Stress Clones!' Hear what people like yourself think of their Stress Clones!

Sam Bell: Having a stress clone is awesome, I have a buddy I can hang out with, and then when he starts to get on my nerves, or I start to get on my nerves, I just stab him to death and get a new one.

Announcer: Stress Clones are affordable and easy to use. It's simple, we take your DNA, clone it into an exact replica, artificially age it so it resembles your specifications, and you do whatever you want with it!

Doug Kinney: I like to shoot my Stress Clones with a sawed-off shotgun when they start to get uppity.

Eduard Siebert: Occasionally I'll take a clone and lock it in the basement and let it starve, but I've found its even more fun to hook up a camera and put two clones down there- they freak out. Eventually one of them kills the other one, and the one who wins starves anyway.

Announcer: Yep, everyone loves Stress Clones. Who wouldn't? Some restrictions may apply; cloning other people for the purpose of Stress Clones is illegal in Nevada, Wyoming, and Rhode Island. Cloning for the purpose of blood transfusions or stem cell research is always illegal, and highly immoral. Stress Clones are easy to make at your local Walmart one-hour cloning booth. Get Cloned Today.