Sh*t My Maggot Infested Uncle Says

William Shatner will be starring in the television adaptation of Sh*t My Maggot Infested Uncle Says. Image courtesy of exposay.com

“Kid, you think you’ve got it bad? I can’t fucking move. I’m in a fucking coffin. Fuck you.”

“When I was young you had to work for a living. You didn’t just write shit and hope someone printed it. What did I get for working for a living? Mugged. And then shot.”

“I’ve got the worst groin-itch from these worms… Swear to God, worse than fucking crabs, these worms…”

“Over my dead body we have a black president. Hold on a sec…”

“When I got buried, they did it by hand, with a shovel. Nowadays with these bulldozers and shit, it’s so impersonal. It’s like getting fucked up the ass with a plastic dildo.”

“You lazy piece of shit. At least that guy who mugged me had to work for a living.”

“Last time I got flowers was a year ago. And they were petunias. Fucking petunias. Might as well piss in my mouth and call it an egg cream…”

“Shit sucks and then you die. Trust me, I’d know.”