Waltraud Wagner Interviews Dr. Harold Shipman

Dr. Harold Shipman, courtesy of biography.com

Waltraud Wagner: Today, we have Dr. Harold Shipman, affectionately known to the UK press as “Dr. Death,” a nickname given before by the American media to Jack Kevorkian, the assisted suicide maven, and Steve Williams, a professional wrestler. Personally, I believe that the name applies best to you, Dr. Shipman, as Kevorkian didn’t actually kill people himself and Williams had never completed an MD.
Harold Shipman: Well, thank you. Of all the possible Dr. Death’s from history, I most like being compared to Josef Mengele and Ayman al-Zawahiri. Oh, and of course “Doctor Death,” from the Batman comics.
WW: I’m unaware of that Doctor Death.
HS: Before your time. He never really caught on- he invented a lethal toxin by refining pollen extracts and accidentally killed his East Indian manservant, Jabah, in a lab explosion. Later on in the eighties he was reinvented as a paraplegic. Kind of an inept bloke, Doctor Death. Great beard though.
WW: Dr. Shipman, is it said you are the most prolific serial killer of all time.
HS: Now, I don’t know that I’d go that far.
WW: It says so on wikipedia…
HS: Yes, but I’m sure they don’t count people like Nuon Chea or Theoneste Bagasora on that list.
WW: That may be true, but do you really think that either of those people had personally killed five hundred or so people?
HS: Well- and look, I don’t mean to be overly modest- but that number is rubbish. They could only positively identify two hundred and eighteen of them.
WW: Still, two hundred and eighteen isn’t so shabby. I only killed forty nine people, and that was with three accomplices.
HS: Now, don’t sell yourself short- I heard that number was actually more like in the hundreds.
WW: blushing To be honest, I can’t remember, exactly. Pause. …Our readers are really curious- how would you suggest bringing your number up to the three digits?
HS: Hm. That’s a good question. A lot of these young blokes are quite flashy, and to be honest that’s a pretty terrible way to continue doing your thing without getting caught. At least over here in the civilized world it really helps to work in a hospital-
WW: Of course.
HS: You would know that, right, you’re a nurse. People die in hospitals all the time, so it’s incredibly easy to give them lethal doses of morphine or heroin-
WW: Or drown them.
HS: Yes, of course, or drown them. I mean, if you live in South America or Afghanistan or something then getting caught isn’t a major issue. Look at Columbia- these guys like La Bestia- Luis Gravato- or Lopez, “The Monster of the Andes-” they both killed upwards of three hundred people as gruesomely as possible without getting caught. I think they’re probably the “most prolific” or however it was you said it.
WW: Actually, from what I’ve heard the most prolific other than yourself is a countrywoman of yours, Amelia Dyer…
HS: Oh right, of course, Amelia. I was talking more about the modern era.
WW: One last thing- do you have any tips for not getting caught?
HS: I suppose just the thing I said about not being flashy. But also- and I can’t stress this enough- only kill poor people. That was my undoing. I killed rich women, and of course eventually I got caught. If I’d only killed poor people I would have been fine. Authorities don’t care when poor people die.
WW: Good advice. Well, thanks so much for coming down from the land of the dead to chat with us, Dr. Shipman.
HS: Thank you for having me, Ms. Wagner.
WW: Call me Waltraud.
HS: …Waltraud.