10. Potpourri: Gentle. Dry. Naturally fragrant. Easy on the eyes and nose, what it lacks in potency it more than makes up for in silly spelling.
9. Roses: Who doesn’t love roses? Used since the fourteenth century to mask the scent of decaying human corpses, roses are beautiful and have a distinct smell.
8. Vera Wang Princess(TM) Perfume: Yes, it’s expensive, but if you want the decomposed flesh in your home to smell like a Super Sweet Sixteen, it’s going to cost you. And boy is it worth it. “The perfect blend of florals and fruits,” one reviewer on macys.com says.
7. Scent-Lok(TM) Hunting Gear: While these products are designed to mask the scent of living human beings, they do the trick in a pinch if you have a little bit of foresight. Take the offending body and, before decay sets in, put it in one of Scent-Lok(TM)’s patented charcoal technology jackets. As opposed to most other methods, which mask scent using other scent, Scent-Lok(TM) will trap the scent inside, where it can’t get out.
6. Incense: Incense has been used since Ancient Egypt to mask the awful odors around the home and in the catacombs. Made from aromatic biotic materials, incense is a great, all-natural way to hide those all-too-natural aromas that arise when a body is left out for too long. People might think you smoke pot, but that’s better than people thinking you’re a murderer!
5. Glade Plug Ins(TM): While traditional scented candles can do the trick in a pinch, Glade Plug Ins(TM) feature adjustability for just the right amount of scent. According to Glade’s website, a Plug In(TM) will “eliminate even the toughest pet, cooking and bathroom odors.” We would like to add the odor of rotting flesh to that list.
4. Garlic: An incredibly strong natural aroma (some would say stench, but who are we to judge) used to ward off vampires in simpler times. Simply cut into the clove and walk around the room; with any luck, the scent of decay will disappear within minutes.
3. Arm & Hammer(TM) Baking Soda: Pour a full box of Arm & Hammer(TM) baking soda into a bowl, and leave it out near the body; within hours the natural absorbency of the baking soda will suck in and trap the stink emanating from the body. For extra absorbency, place another full bowl of Heinz(TM) vinegar next to the bowl of baking soda. Vinegar also absorbs scents, and double the absorbency means half the stench!
2. Ammonia: Nothing masks a scent like ammonia. We mean nothing. People with no sense of smell can feel it burning in their nostrils. In fact, the only reason that ammonia isn’t #1 on our list is that the scent of ammonia is so strong that it could clue a passerby in on the fact that something in your home is amiss, and you might wind up with two bodies to mask the scent of.
1. Lime: What else could it be? It’s been used in The Godfather, on television’s Monk, in Pulp Fiction, and in countless other television shows and films to scrub away a sticky situation and leave it smelling like a tropical wonderland. Whether you wish to go the old fashioned way and squeeze the stuff out with a juicer or use an industrial lime-based cleaner like Lime Away(TM), there is no substitute for lime when you have something to hide.
thanks. your list really helped hide the scent of my neighbor. He angered me so i bashed his head in. The roses really helped the scent of the decaying exposed brain. Lime didn't work to well, it just smelled like a fleshy dead sardine. Ammonia really helped but it killed my neighbors dog. Thanks for the tips!
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