Recipe for Hansel and Gretel

There are a variety of different delicious ways to prepare Hansel and Gretel, including a Hansel and Gretel pie, deep fried, battered Hansel and Gretel, and even General Tso’s Hansel and Gretel for those into the flavors of the Orient. Because of this fact, however, we have decided to focus on one recipe: a yummy, old fashioned red-wine stew. Keep in mind, this recipe makes a lot of Hansel and Gretel, so perhaps a dinner party is in order.

Ingredients:

1 Hansel
1 Gretel
4 cups flour
2 tablespoons sea salt
1 cup olive oil
5-6 sliced carrots
6 sliced ribs celery
3 onions, diced
3 minced cloves of garlic
1 quart beef stock
3 cups dry red wine (traditionally Pinot Noir, but a Cab can be nice too)
3 tablespoons fresh chopped Rosemary

Preparation:

1. Chop Hansel and Gretel into small, bite-sized pieces; make sure to hold onto the bones, they’ll make for a great stock later. Tip: if you’re having trouble cutting them up, USE A PAIRING KNIFE. Nothing snaps a bone quite like a pairing knife.

2. Put the flour and salt into a food storage bag along with Hansel and Gretel, tossing regularly to coat well.

3. Heat the oil in a large saucepan (not too hot! No one enjoys being burned by hot oil), and add Hansel and Gretel, stirring occasionally until they are browned.

4. Add the chopped onions and celery; continue cooking, stirring occasionally for about three minutes.

5. Add garlic, rosemary, carrots, broth and wine, bringing the stew to a boil. Tip: if you’re in the right mood, you can add some parsley as well to give your Hansel and Gretel stew a sophisticated OOMPH of flavor.

6. Bring the heat down to low, cover the pot and simmer for at least an hour, or until Hansel and Gretel are tender.

Voila! You have a delicious Hansel and Gretel stew to feed your neighbors or any local hunters wandering about the forest. Feel free to serve with gingerbread, but make sure not to accidentally destroy the foundation of your house.