Top Ten Rainy Day Ideas Involving Cadavers

Photo courtesy of the U.S. military, Abu Ghraib Prison (C. #7)

Dreary weather got you down? Trying to figure out something to do with the corpse you've got in the freezer to stave off decomposition? We've compiled a list of ten great rainy day arts + crafts projects for you and your family! (...If you're name is Leatherface and you live with a bunch of rednecks). Also, if the body actually is in the freezer, certain activities may require you to thaw it out first.

10. Play dress-up: Get out that old Mary Kay cosmetics bag you've got lying around and put a little life in those dead cheeks! If you've got some four-inch pumps or an old sexy-librarian halloween costume you could even make your dead pal into a dead hooker.

9. Make a bird-house: Bones make for great building supplies (stronger and more durable than wood), and hair is just the kind of soft padding that baby birds need to sleep on and grow up healthy.

8. Write a letter in blood: Nowadays you don't even need your own blood to get that elusive point across.  Just dab your quill in your cadaver's blood and write away! You don't even need calligraphy lessons, just about anything written in blood tends to command one's attention.

7. Re-enact photos from Abu Ghraib: The ones with living detainees may have gotten all the press, but that doesn't mean you can't prop your own corpse up against a wall and put a bag on its head! Also, corpses make even better dog-food than live prisoners. Re-enactment is both fun and a great way to respect military history.

6. Make a stew: Check out this delicious recipe; the bodies don't have to be those of Hansel and Gretel, although nosy children are preferable.

5. Pin the nose on the cadaver: You need a blind-fold, Scotch(TM) Double Sided Adhesive(R) and a couple of pals for this one. Remove the nose from the body, stick some Scotch(TM) Double Sided Adhesive(R) to the backside of it, and let the fun begin! The rules are the same as "Pin the Tail on the Donkey."

4. Pull some silly pranks: Just imagine the laughs you and your buddies will have when the hitchhiker you picked up realizes that the guy sitting next to him is not actually alive. Or when that drunk guy who stayed over at your place realizes he's lying next to a dead body. Or when your professor realizes that the kid with his hand raised is, in fact- well, you get the idea.

3. Make a necklace out of teeth: You'll need some pliers for this one, and a high-powered drill. Drill holes in the teeth so that you can fit a string through them, and voila! Impress all of your friends with the latest fashion.

2. Eyeball marbles: This one's pretty self-explanatory, but you'll have to get a handful of cadavers to really make it work. Draw a circle on the ground in chalk and place thirteen of the eye-balls in an X in the center... I'm sure you've played marbles before, so I won't bore you with the details.

1. Sew yourself a coat: Have you ever seen Silence of the Lambs? We got this one from Buffalo Bill, although we're pretty sure that he got it from the Aztecs. Just skin the cadaver, sew wherever necessary and you've got a beautiful new over-garment that'll protect you from the rain.