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| Artist's rendition of the toxic blob, courtesy of bloggerbeware.com |
A "Toxic Blob" warning has been put in effect in the tri-county area. It is highly advised that some do not leave their homes, as they may be in danger of being swallowed whole by a massive red "Toxic Blob." Others are strongly advised to leave, as quickly as possible, as their homes themselves may be swallowed by the toxic blob.
It appears as though the toxic blob was created when byproducts from a local aluminum separation plant spilled from the plant's reservoir and mixed with nuclear waste from the power plant next door. Aluminum is isolated during a lengthy and painstaking process in which bauxite is separated into aluminum and ferruginous residue. Ferruginous residue- "red mud" in industry jargon- can easily turn into a ravenously hungry, massive toxic blob when mixed with radioactive material.
Reports do not suggest that the blob is self-aware, and it seems as though its only drive is to consume everything in its path, whether that be people, dogs, houses, small children, the Danube River, or an entire village. Tony Hayward, head of the aluminum manufacturing company responsible for the reservoir burst, was arrested by authorities early this morning.
...NOT! This is America, stupid, not Hungary or something.
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